Thursday, April 26, 2012

Take your Time? PRAY ?

This one is not easy for me...So often I have found myself living in a world of  anxiety, filled with fear, self doubt.  Soon after our return from Haiti I learned that Jeremy and Bryan were working on a video I was asked to be part of.  Even though I said yes I was so nervous about it.  I was talking to a friend TJ about this.  He said let me tell you something every time I get ready to sing I always get the same feeling in my stomach but you know what I learned  I have to take time and pray.  I don't think God puts us through struggles to give us pain instead I think he wants us to learn to be patient and remember it is all about him.  So Thanks for that TJ.  Tuesday I knew I was going to start my first night at Breakaway with our Sr high kids, the morning started with my Daughter in law Jess showing me how Jaxxyn was learning to sit & roll over.  However, as the day went on I felt the anxious feeling once again so I left for church a little early I walked around for a bit and prayed felt a little better.  I went down stairs to the Breakaway rooms and was reading the posters then Bryan came he took me up stairs to one of the fellas I Know and asked him to introduce me to his friends he did then they left, so I knew it was time for me to go chat to some of the kids I already knew then introduce myself to those I did not, I even got asked to play B-Ball with a few.  Bryan introduced me as he opened up Leaders greeted me as well as a few new kids that I did not know.  Great night!  Great Kids!  Wednesday Morning starts I'm all excited going to Hair Salon to get a new look.  As I am there my mind starts to think about my Sister DonaRae who is going through a trial having some testing done.  Even though I'm in a happy place showing the excitement of the new hair style I hear the voice inside my head thinking how my sister must feel so alone not having no faith to hold on to.  I leave run some errands, get home start the routine of cleaning laundry all of a sudden I think oh no it's Wednesday I have a dinner to go to tonight.  So in a panic I call my friend Donna ask her can we wear jeans to this restaurant, not sure never been there.  As I'm looking for the Jeans and Shirt I want to wear I can't find them so I start fussing, complaining my 22 year old son comes home from work walks in to hear this behavior, he looks at me says really? Walks back upstairs.  So now Donna text's me back ok first wrong Wednesday, that will be next week what's on your mind?  So I shared with Donna what's going on with my sister.  Donna tells me she will Pray for her.  So now I feel like a fool and have to go say I'm sorry for the messed up behavior to my son.  So we are sitting in the sun porch I tell him I'm sorry and he tells me It's okay but Mom you might want to think about things before you say things out loud were people can here you, when you tell someone one thing and then you behave or speak differently they call that being a hypocrite.  At first I was ready , to justify my behavior, However if I did this I knew it would be wrong So I ate crow and once again told him your right son I'll try to remember to be more patient, pray and then speak or act upon something.  I know that the test of trials is how God develops patients in us just like using a mussel if you don't use it weakness occurs if you use it then it strengthens.  James 1-3 tells us...
For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So next time you feel anxious just remember to TAKE THE TIME TO PRAY. 

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Faith in the Hand of Honesty

Where does our faith go when we are struggling with our troubles?  Do we feel that everything we have learned in our faith has slipped out the door and it's all gone in the wind?  Or maybe even dare to say that we are angry at God in the midst of a really rough storm?  Feeling that he has adbanded us?  Remember Simon Peter, did he not three times deny our Lord before the Rooster even had a chance to crow in the morning.  I can really relate to these things. So when we come out of the mist or the fog, do you see that it was Jesus that was trusting in us. I have to be honest here, many times I have said things were great when in all reality it was really bad, I hid, ran, even may have looked you in the face and said everything was "Fine" a word that has really been removed from my vocabulary as much as possible.  In a recent change in my life I had to be HONEST with myself, I have no control over anything it is my Lord and Savior who controls it all.  How awesome is that he give us a choice to be free. There are spiritual forces out there they can either lead us to truth or deciet.  The choice is our's to make we can try to hide behind the scars or we can choose to remember that our Mighty King has the nail pierced hands and feet.  So lets just be honest hold on to your Faith it will give you the truth that will lead us to freedom. If you choose to be sinful and not be honest it drags you into deciet. Then deciet leads to bondage.  I ask you not to hide behind your scars, pain, hurts Just be honest and remember who has your back in the misty storms of Life.  As I went through this change the closer I drew to Jesus the easier it was to accept the truth about myself.  I am so greatful that while I struggled with my Faith for a few days and became honest with myself and my loved ones it was in the Hand of Jesus all along that I found true freedom.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Heart Chaging

It's been 4 months since I have went to Haiti.  While on this trip I realized very early on that GOD had more planned for me than I could ever imagine.  It's been a heart changing trip.  Early on I had to search my heart and remove alot of feelings that I had.  God changed my Heart to allow me to feel and see things through the Eyes of the Haitian's, also with the 33 others that I was on the missions trip with.  It's allowed me to be open to be honest with others. To be up front and admitt when I did or said something out of chacter.  I had college and High school gals that opened my eyes to see another side of me that made me realize I needed to change to allow myself to grow spiritually.  Just the last few weeks I hve found my quite time spot where I can sit and find comfort with God.  I am learning that he has given us each a voice and there is a purpose for us all in life.  I have come to realize I often was living my life for the world around me, often seeking others opion and how they felt.  Just the other night while talking to one of the young gals from our trip she pointed out to me that If I feel a passion and God's speaking to you Listen to what he wants you to do I reached out to her it seemed like she needed someone to chat to and at the end of our chat we both found comfort by sharing what God had put on our hearts.  1 Corintians 2:4-5 I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit.  I did this so you would trust not in Human wisdom but in the power of God.  I know now that my purpose in life is to be the person God has called me to be.  I am finding such a peace in my life knowing that I don't have to seek approval from others to make me complete.  I'm finding that new voice deep inside of me.  Funny thing is God has chossen to take that voice from me for the moment.  Yup I have lost my voice and have been told that I need to rest.  So rest I am in the loving arms of my Savior the one who has challenged me to seek out my purpose!!  My hope in sharing this bolg today is that if one person reads it and realizes that they too have a purpose and have been seating at the edge looking over they will take taht leap of faith and find when they jump they will land in the loving graceful arms of of our God!  Be well my darlings!